Whelp. The buzz is gone and it’s time to reflect.
I’m writing this to let you know my current thoughts and where my headspace is at. Although you may find some kind of lesson in this, that’s not the intended purpose. This is more so a record of how I’m feeling, and I thought it would be valuable to share it with you whether you’re an artist going through a similar situation or a fan who wants to get to know me better.
So, let’s begin.
I dropped one of my best-performing songs “You and Me” on March 19th, 2021. I have to say, it veers the farthest away from my previous songs when it comes to style and sound but that’s not a bad thing.
As of the time I’m writing this (5.24.21), the song sits at close to 10,000 streams and over 1,200 saves on Spotify. While statistics are certainly not everything, I did hope that it would beat the 18,000 streams that “I’ve Got a Feeling” sits at. However, it’s worth mentioning that “You and Me” blew “ I’ve Got a Feeling” out of the water when it comes to saves which is much more important.
Again, stats and numbers aren’t everything when it comes to music, but I can’t help but feel some self-doubt in the next couple of releases I have planned.
“Will people like my next song as much as You and Me?”
“What are the new fans’ expectations when it comes to my sound?”
“Am I actually putting my all in these releases or just settling with them?”
Yes, “You and Me” did well to my standards. I must’ve felt some kind of high from the small success I saw from it. Like most highs, there is a comedown, and perhaps that’s what I’m feeling right now. The buzz from my song has lessened and scalable data like streams, follows, likes, shares, etc. have slowed down. As reasonable as all of this is, I can’t help but feel worried about the bar that I have set for myself after this release, even though that bar is arbitrary.
Regardless of the negative thoughts that I have as I write this, I should look at the positive now.
- I set out a goal to hit a certain number of followers on Instagram by the end of the year. It’s May right now, and I’ve surpassed the goal.
- I’ve accumulated hundreds of more followers on my Spotify which is far more important than any social media platform as a musician.
- “You and Me” has been saved by over a thousand people which means that the song must be good enough for some people to enjoy.
- I’ve built a lot of valuable connections from people discovering my discography through this release.
I’m certain I can share more of the positives. I probably should do that more without being too boastful. Unfortunately, all of that barely matters when my negative thoughts role in… and it really bothers me. It bothers me especially because I know I’m being unreasonable. I’d like to think that this is how my motivations and ambitions are continuously challenged but at what point does it become toxic to my own mental health?
I doubt these thoughts will ever stop. Maybe I should see a therapist? I don’t know, but what I do know is that through all of my self-doubt and lack of confidence, I’ve reached a point in my musical career where I actually have fans, albeit very few. That has to be worth something.
I need to learn how to appreciate the positives more than overthinking the negatives. If you’ve listened to my music, I’m sure you can tell that I’m a work in progress. I’m in a constant cycle of self-determination and growth, but what follows is self-doubt and being disheartened every time I find something new to work on within myself. This is actually a subject for one of my new songs that will be released soon – can’t tell you when though.
Anyway, that’s probably enough of bitching and moaning. If you’ve made it this far, thank you very much for your interest in my thoughts. If you listened to “You and Me” and my other songs, I truly appreciate the support If you did both, I love you.